
Yahoo! Sports: Were
Saints Right to Run Up the Score?
Boo-Fucking-Hoo… This is a top ten tired old saw of sports
writing. The Saints ran up the score
instead of turning a boring ass blow out into a super boring ass blowout with a
slow grind to the end.
Fox Sports: Identity
Theft in Los Angeles Basketball
Does this mean that Chris Paul will be the new Kobe? I can’t wait for him to get off for anally
raping a young girl and for him to begin berating and intimidating teammates on a nightly
basis.
Golf Digest: No
One Tells Tiger What To Do
Except the very expensive woman with the whip he hired last
night…
RealClearSports.com: Firm’s
Attempt to Disown Sandusky is Specious
I know… so odd. The
man is only radioactive. Why would they
want to create any distance? This is clearly in need of additional journalistic investigation. If only we had a whole industry dedicated to that mission.
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: Pirates Next Youth Wave Approaches
I am going to skip the life raft of hope this season. Maybe the 2012 riptide of failure will drag me
out to sea and feed my fandom to the fishes…
Puck Daddy: ESPN
Year In Review Snubs Hockey Tragedies
No snark on this one… I totally agree. ESPN has been giving hockey the finger for
years. If it is not Red Sox/Yankees,
NBA, BJs to the NFL or a marketable name player they could not give a shit.
Thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy's Sugar Ball
DSB decided to sit down again with local minor league
baseball sensation and major league tool Bryce Harper to discuss how his
Christmas weekend went and to see what he plans to do in the new year.

DSB: So how was your Christmas?
BH: Well Bro, I have
to say it was pretty f-ing sweet. I went
to church with my ‘rents and praised the baby Jesus for making my life so
fuckin’ awesome. I like to thank The
Chosen One 1.0 for making me The Chosen One 2.OH NO! I need to be humble about my talents and life
during this time so I only took the diamond white Range Rover to church but honeys still be flockin’.
DSB: Did you get any
nice gifts?
BH: Yeah, Bro… I got
a chocolate lab that I named Swag. He
has the B-Harps demeanor down. He is
good looking and knows it and the ladies love his style. Although I still have better hair.
DSB: Give any nice
gifts?
BH: Bro… I used my
Savannah’s on Hanna gold membership to make it rain in the club on Christmas
Eve. Nothing like a stripper in a Santa
suit string bikini to make you feel the holiday spirit.
/winks
DSB: Any plans for
the New Year?
BH: Yo Bro we plan on
taking the Bryce Brand to new heights.
Scotty B. (Boras) and I are going to be dropping a 10 foot tall bottle
of Moose Knuckle Juice at midnight in a Miami club called the Meat Pit. It is going to be a crazy party with models
and shit.
DSB: Can we get and
invite?
BH: Are you a model, Bro?
DSB: No…
BH: Then sorry B… got
to keep the honeys in the proper ratio.
How about I hook you up with a Bryce Brand original Double Deep V T-shirt? These bad boys retail for $250 in the
Kardashian boutique Dash. I would
autograph it for ya but I don’t need this ending up on eBay, bro.
DSB: This T-shirt
smells like diesel fuel…
BH: Yo, that be my new
fragrance The Chosen Smell. Scotty B said
that every major player in the game has to have a smell. I helped formulate it and everything. Here is the breakdown: pine tar, the essence of Moose Knuckle Juice,
artificial tanning solution, rubbing alcohol, pine tree car air freshener, hair gel, baseball
glove leather oil, some of my own sweat, and vinegar and water.
DSB: It is quite the
powerful odor… it burns the nostrils.
BH: It comes packaged
in a two liter sized glass fist with a hand pump.
DSB: I am pretty sure that I used something similar this
summer to spray pesticide. Any baseball
related goals for 2012?
BH: Bro… I have been working on my homerun celebration
handshakes all winter. When I go deep
the dugout is going to see some sweet high fives this year.
Thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy’s Sugar Ball…

Spintrick: Well Spintrick's Chick Pick of the Moment is this woman named Kelsey Nicole.
ZJ: You should have like intro music
Spintrick: Yeah I should have my own bit there probably. Whatever I said her name was...Kelsey Nicole. Playboy cyber girl. She's my current screen saver as we can all see.
ZJ: Oh...she looks very nice. She looks smart.
Bearcat: Very smart
Spintrick: She could be
ZJ: Intelligent
Spintrick: With those boobs she could have another brain in each one of those boobs. I mean...three brains. That's a lot of brains.
Bearcat: Do we know any of her turn-ons or turn-offs?
Spintrick: Who cares?
Bearcat: Hobbies?
Spintrick: It looks like hot is one of her main hobbies.












SB Nation: Texas
and A&M: Divorce in Church of Football
So who gets the kids,
the vacation home in Tuscany and the booster... Oh will someone please worry
about the boosters!!!
Fox Sports: Will
LeBron’s Failures Make Him Better
Will the fact that he
is a whiny bitch incapable of self reflection and surrounded by hangers on that
enable his most damaging character flaws and a well documented history of not
being able to finish be improved by continued failure?
ProFootballTalk: Del
Rio Done In By Tebowmania
Does Del Rio count as
Tebowmania’s first martyr?
Washington Post: Hunter
to Mold Capitals in His Image
San Antonio Express-News: Texans Should Approach Favre
Translation: I do not want to do any real journalism today
or for the rest of the season.
Yahoo! Sports: Two
Game Ban for Suh Would Be Blessing
It would be a
sacramental blessing from Tebowmania’s patron saint of suspensions St. Del Rio.
Atlanta Journal-Constitution: BCS Makes SEC Title Meaningless
Meaningless College
Football made more meaningless by meaningless BCS and meaningless SEC
title. ZJ still believes that College
Football “Doesn’t Matter!”
Grantland.com: Lockout
Damaged David Stern’s Reputation
How does one damage
his reputation if his reputation is that of an arrogant uncontrolled asshole?
Newark Star-Ledger: Valentine
is the Anti-Francona
Much like if matter
and anti-matter ever touch if Francona and Valentine ever touch the universe
will be destroyed. Even physics revolves
around Red Sox Nation.
Thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy's Sugar Ball...
Bearcat
Welcome back for another DSB Running Diary where I provide a
dick joke fueled rundown of the Steelers prime time game…. So yeah, the usual
shit show on DSB.

8:15 Peter King
brings up the Texas to Favre rumors… I scream at my TV the whole time he is
speaking then Costas asks when Favre's name will stop coming up. WHEN PETER KING FINALLY STOPS BRINGING IT UP
YOU MEAT HEAD!!!
Looks like a pickedthe wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
8:22 Faith Hill has
yet to compare Obama to Hitler so I guess we will continue to suffer through
this shitty intro… If she did it in a
bikini at least then I could mute it.
NBC tries to sex it up with the leather suit but really she just looks
like she hates it and leather is only sexy if the chick looks like she wore it
specifically because she wants to get nailed all night long in a really profane way.
8:24 As I always say
Arrow Head is the toughest place to play on the road in the NFL… I heard that
about 15 years ago and considered it gospel.
I will always assume it is true regardless of the actual facts, data or
analysis. 24-17 Steelers is my prediction.
8:28 Mrs. Bearcat is going through our mountain of mail that
has been collecting on the dining table.
“You want this Brookstone Magazine?
What is Brookstone, anyway? Is this
like those airplane magazines that sell hotdog cookers and shit?” Me: “Pretty much”
8:30 Todd Hailey looking extra homeless today… This feels like a positive for the Black and
Gold.
8:31 “Tyler Palko,
Pitt” He looks like he just rolled out
of bed 35 seconds before doing his intro tape…
“Jonathon Baldwin, Pittsburgh” He
was clearly stoned… way to sell that Pitt Panther football.
8:33 Steeler defense looking especially sieve like in the early
going. This might be a good point to
mention that I recently decided to take a break from drinking. It is moments like this that make me think I
should return to numbing the pain with booze.
NOW TROY IS SLOW TO GET UP and may be concussed?!?!?! WHERE’S THE BOOZE?!?!?!?!
8:38 Steelers defense
tightens up and force the Chefs to kick a FG (Yes, Max Power and JP I mean
Chefs and I know that commercial is a decade old.)
8:41 Al Michaels just
called Ben “indestructible.” Season
ending injury now imminent. This has me
distressed.
8:43 Heath Miller with
a catch and Arrow Head sounds like Heinz
Field. Wow… basically destroys my theory
that KC is toughest stadium in the league.
8:46 The autumn chill
has Ed “Guns” Hochuli putting on the long sleeves I will assume he finds that
depressing.
8:50 Mewelde Moore fumbles into the end zone… still not
drinking… still not drinking… still not drinking… Why the HELL WAS HE IN THE GAME THERE??? What
does he do that Mendenhall, you know our first round draft pick, can’t do?
8:54 Keisel reminds the Chefs that they are the Chefs by
pouncing on Palko’s fumble… Nice. Bails
out the Offense on that one.
8:58 Hailey is going to burn a challenge… This has an Andy
Reid feeling to it. Well wasted my
friend. Mike Tomlin thanks you for your
stupidity. He earned about 12 inches… good job there Hailey.
9:02 That was one of the strangest 4th and 2
conversions I have ever seen… Wow… just wow.
9:05 The Steelers O-Line gives up another sack and the
Steelers are clearly leading the game in “Shooting itself in the foot category”
at this point of the game.
9:08 I spoke too soon. No one out “shoots themselves in the
foot” Tyler Palko. He throws a pick that
is so bad it looks like he was trying to get intercepted by Ike Taylor… I think I completely forgot about his time at
Pitt. How did that guy get in to the
NFL?
9:11 End of the first
quarter and somehow this game is still 0-3 KC.
Let me take the time to now provide my thoughts on the NBA lockout
ending… It sucks. That is all.
9:13 Collinsworth has now mentioned Ben’s thumb 3,869 times
so far. Way to dig deep when prepping
for the game there pal.
9:14 Steelers blow the redzone offense. Settle for a FG and
the game is now tied 3-3.
9:16 Palko just threw another interception to Mundy… that is
three possession and three successive turnovers. This is awesome. Wonder if Peter King will speculate about
Brett Favre coming to KC at the half.
9:24 Touchdown! To Saunders!!! Great pass and masterful
catch. 10-3 Stillers.
9:28 The always great
TV moment of commercial, kickoff, commercial break. God forbid we show some football in this broadcast. I am really just watching so that Miller Lite
can continue to call men who do not drink their watered down beer pussies.
9:36 Just saw that
the Caps fired Bruce Boudreau… Christmas has come early. Suck it fat ass.
9:46 Boudreau firing was from bullshit fake Twitter
account. Christmas canceled or at least
put off for another could of games. Two
minute warning and I am losing interest in this game. Paula Creamer’s
mini-skirted golfing Citizen Watch commercial is holding my interest better
than this game.

Creamer... Mmmmm... Creamer....
9:49 Jesus… Al Michaels just announced that Bob Costas will
be pontificating about the Stevie Johnson TD celebration where he pantomimed Burress
shooting himself in the leg and a plane crash in one swift move. I thought this was brilliant… Where is my Rage-ohol?
9:55 Sushi nails a 49 yard kick to bring on half time. I will now share with you a video with an awesome drag race wreck that caused the driver to just say “Fuck it… this car is destroyed I am going to enjoy burning up every single part on this bitch.”
10:03 Time for the Costas soapbox… Here he spends 5 minutes
of self-indulgence to decry self-indulgence.
What a joke. Pretty sure Costas
also hates “uppity blacks.”
10:08 Thank God for Toyotathon otherwise my “end of year”
would blow…
10:09 If the Detroit Lions on the Play 60 Bus had shown up
at my school for a commercial I would have challenged them to a game and told
them that the line was Lions +3. We
totally could have covered.
10:12 Michelle TaFoya brings us back from the halftime break
by reporting that Hailey stated that Palko “just needs to play better.” For
that kind of crack reporting she probably makes six figures.
10:15 While I am
thinking of it… I saw The Muppets this weekend.
It was fantastic. Five out of
Five stars. Only gripe: not enough Lew
Zealand. See this movie… you will not
regret it.
10:16 Ben throws a pick into double coverage… Collinsworth
does not use this as an opportunity to bring up Ben’s broken thumb. Now I think
he is just messing with me.
10:20 Michaels and Collinsworth logic: Palko played at
Pitt. Pitt uses same facilities as
Steelers. Palko prepared to play
Steelers. Like he learned how to beat
them via osmosis… My head hurts.
10:35 KC goes wildcat
on 3rd and 1 and gets stuffed and then fake punts for the
conversion. I will assume that TaFoya
would report that the Chiefs “went for it so that they could continue to keep
the offense on the field…” if given the chance.
10:55 I am basically in a coma from this game. Still 13-6 Steelers but the defense might be
more tired than I am.
10:58 KC screws up the end of the best drive they have had
all night and are left with kicking a FG. 13-9 Steelers with more than seven
minutes left in the game.
11:01 Collinsworth has used the term “penetration” about 50
times tonight…. Mrs. Collinsworth is clearly not pulling her weight.

Sasha Grey understand penetration unlike any other...
11:02 If the
Southwest baggage handlers threw a penalty flag at me in the airport I would
punch them in the throat. Traveling
sucks enough already besides the prospect of being reminded that airlines
deliver a double anal fisting through my wallet.
Kobe throat punch? Yes, please.
11:10 The Steelers never put KC away and now the Chiefs are
in a position to drive the field and win the game… this sucks.
11:16 The Chiefs are driving down the field and are moving
the ball nicely… this is causing heartburn.
1st and 10 with 38 clicks on the clock with the ball on the
Steelers 38. I am going to watch the
rest of the game from a standing position.
11:19 Chiefs have a FALSE START!!! LOL This team truly has perfected the ability to be a complete clusterfuck in prime time.
11:20 Can we pick off Palko again? The game was more fun with we were doing that… HOLY SHIT THAT JUST HAPPENED. I swear to God I was asking for it just as it happened. WOW…
11:25 Well it’s a win. 13-9 Steelers. Not pretty but we are 8-3…
Thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy’s Sugar Ball…
Bearcat
DSB decided to sit down with Harrisburg AA baseball
superstar and local president of the more dollars than brains club Bryce Harper
to discuss how he is spending this off season...

Bro... I spent 38 minutes on my hair...
DSB: Bryce, you
recently sent out a tweet to Wale (a DC area rapper) asking for a shout out in
one of his songs? If he gave you a shout
out would this be your new at bat music?
BH:
Bro, when you are as awesome as I am it is tough to understand why I am
not getting name dropped in more music.
The Bryce Brand has
the ability to really drum up hype and recognition and that is why my boy
Scotty Boras has me endorsing Moose
Knuckle Juice. It’s like Jager
but with three times the alcohol and it is guaranteed to get the ladies in the
mood. Big Ben swears by this stuff. So yeah if I could get Wale to name drop me
and the Moose Knuckle in a song that would be my go to before I start ripping
off pitcher tits, Bro.
DSB:
How is that truck of yours doing?
BH:
Bro, I traded in that murdered out F350 for a pimped out H2. It was used but being able to put a disco
ball inside my car along with a Patron Tequila and Moose Knuckle themed bar was a must if I am going to
make my whip as awesome as it should be for The Chosen One. I also had them put in a closet where I can
keep my Affliction and double deep V T-shirts. That's right double deep V... just another part of the Bryce Brand. Thank you Scotty. Bitches be
ripping them off my body all the time and you know…
/Flexes
in mirror and blows himself a kiss.
DSB:
How do you like hanging around the capital region of PA this off season?
BH: Bro, it was has
been pretty good so far, I really enjoyed seeing Dane Cook down at the Giant
Center. That guy is just the funniest
white boy around. He and I went shopping
at Abercrombie & Fitch after the show and picked up a couple nice
“bitties.” Since then he helped me
decorate my crib. I now have a Scarface poster in every room of my
house. I even have a life size one in
the shower… its bitchin’ Bro.
DSB:
How have you been working on your game now that the cold weather has
come around?
BH: Do you think this Hollister
“Tell Your Girlfriend I Said Thanks” T-shirt is tight enough? I don’t think it is as tight as they
advertised it to be…
DSB:
The big story around here has been the Penn State Scandal… any thoughts
about the news?
BH:
Yo…Bro touching little boys is gay.
Like really gay but not just like Subaru driver with rainbow sticker
gay. Like gay bad plus really homo type
gay… you know what I mean Bro?
DSB: No… at least I hope not.
BH:
Bro, Its easy… there is gay, like two dudes gay and then there is gay
like that cop pulling me over for doing 95 on Harvey Taylor Bridge gay. This is gay-gay. Both kinds of gay at the same time.
DSB: Kind of like Bros Icing Bros
but somehow you made it more homophobic?
BH: No, Bro… that shit is fun!
Thanks for coming and suckling on
Daddy’s Sugar Ball…
Bearcat


Sports Illustrated: Sordid Finale Should Not Overshadow Career
Right because in the same week that we learn of unspeakable acts by a member of the PSU Football Family we should also reflect on all the good that Joe did. Let’s not dwell at this very critical time about his failure to protect children. Look! TWO NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS!!!
Los Angeles Times: Penn State About to Self-Immolate
Great headline and dead on. Credit given for going with self-immolation over the more classic gun-in-the mouth.
Philadelphia Sports Daily: Rampant Hypocrisy on Display
Did Philadelphia Sports Daily hire Mike Lupica and Mitch Albom for this issue?
USA Today: Meyer Tops List of Potential Successors
Hurry before the body is cold and with complete disregard for the complete clusterfuck that is Penn State let us start wild speculation about who will be the next over paid and overly powerful football coach at a perennially underachieving football factory!
Mobile Press-Register: Slim Chance for LSU-Bama Rematch
What? No more field goal kicking contest of the Millennium? SEC people are all retarded.
Sporting News: Panthers’ Odd Couple Producing Magic
And now for your enjoyment Cam Newton and Steve Smith will saw Ron Rivera in HALF!!!
National Post: Penn State Mushroom Cloud Keeps Growing
This truly is the Hiroshima of sports.
Sporting News: Goldbricking Haynesworth Easy to Dislike
By my count there are three words in this headline that each could rank as the understatement of the year. That is impressive.
Thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy's Sugar Ball...
Bearcat